dressing my daughter

I always overthink Devlin's clothes when we are going to be around Chinese people. When we go to Chinatown my boys can be in t-shirts, but I always feel as if Devlin is going to be looked at. Well, she is going to be looked at. As I mentioned earlier, she gets looked at and clucked over and touched.

When people look at our family what do they see? I see us as the poster children for infertility. We have fraternal twins and an obviously adopted child. I don't know if that is what other people see. I don't think fertile people get that. I don't know.

What I worry about, is that people will look at our family and think that Devlin is less a member of our family than the rest of us. I worry that people will think that she is less my daughter, less a sister because she did not come from my womb. I know people who rule out adoption because they do not believe that they could love a child through adoption as much as they could love their "own" child. I don't know if this is a shortcoming of their ability to love, or if they just don't recognize the depth of their own capacity to love. But I also worry that people project their own feelings onto me, that they assume that I do not love Devlin as much as I love Mac and Liam. If they think that, they are wrong.

Which brings me to the clothes. Mac and Liam can run around with holes in their knees and a raggy old t-shirt and people will just assume they are boys being boys, or they are refusing to relinquish their favorites. But if Devlin if not dressed well I worry that people will assume it is because I do not care, that I do not love her enough to dress her beautifully. Luckily Devlin loves beautiful clothes. She loves to shop. She loves to dress up. She would wear a dress every day, to every activity if I allowed it. Thank God for skorts, they keep us both happy.

So for our trip to China I will pack clothing that communicates that she is loved and coddled and indulged. I want the people of China to know that they made the right decision by giving us this precious gift, this child of my heart.